I know how it feels to have a hard day as a mother, whether it's a difficult child, an issue that affects my family, or a situation affecting my child. I've felt the irritation that begs to be released. I may feel compelled to vent, shout, complain, or blurt out my immediate thoughts. While navigating through emotions, especially complex ones such as anger, I'm familiar with the relief of unburdening myself and the cleansing effect of being open, raw, and genuine.
Now, picture repeatedly asking for suggestions for a family vacation and getting no responses. Then, when the trip finally arrives, your family only complains about the plans you made. This was the reality for one mom, who took to TikTok to share her frustrations, and her post quickly went viral.
"I'm on a family vacation right now with my two teenagers and my husband. We flew in late last night. We think we got in at 12:15 a.m., headed to get a rental car, and then got to our Airbnb. And I am frustrated," Alexis (@a.millennialmama) began.
"So, as a mom, I planned everything. I asked for input probably 50 times. Things they wanted to do. Did they have any input on where they want to stay and where they want to eat? Anything. If you have any input, everyone just said the same thing. 'Nope. We're good. Whatever you want, mom. I don't care. Okay. I don't care.'
"Great. Glad I'm planning this vacation so everybody does not care." She then shares several examples of her family, who gave zero input, criticizing the decisions she made, putting her down, and being generally unappreciative. "So, when we got to the rental car counter, the car that I selected would not have fit all our luggage. So ultimately, we decided to upgrade, but not without comments about how mom is so cheap. She got a small car and this and that. I got an SUV, but it was like a small SUV. So, it doesn't hold as much. Okay. No problem. We upgrade," she explained.
As soon as Alexis' teens and husband arrived at the Airbnb that Alexis booked, they made her feel terrible about her decision.
"We got to Airbnb, and I didn't realize this, but there are three stories. It's a lot of stairs. I'm not going to lie. It's a lot of stairs, and sleeping arrangements are not perfect, but they're fine. Everybody has a bed. We're safe. Whatever."
"'Oh my God. Mom is never going to be in charge of booking Airbnb again. She can't even this, that, and the other,'" she imitated.
"Then, this morning, we woke up in an urban setting. We live in a very quiet suburban setting, and my husband is saying that he barely sleeps. And I'm just like, enough!"
Alexis vents, "This is our first day. We're barely here. I have been the only one who has put in all the effort to plan this trip. And I know there are videos on mental load, but this is a prime example of me. I'm shouldering the mental load for my entire family, and everybody has something to say about it. So, yeah, I'm frustrated. Please pray for me that we can all turn our attitudes around and have a great day."
After her video gained traction, several TikTok users empathized with Alexis' story, encouraging her to do something for herself and leave her family to figure it out for themselves. After her family took a lashing in the comments, with one user begging her not to come back and make an "apology" video for her family, Alexis made an update video.
"Definitely not an apology video, but I did share with my family that I made the TikTok. I did share with them how they made me feel, and we actually had a really, really great day today," she said. "Everyone has had positive attitudes. I've heard a lot of thank yous, and my kids have been buying their little side purchases with their own money and not even asking me to pay for them... but they have been really self-sufficient in that space."
In another video, Alexis defends her family, noting that she forgives them for their unkindness and knows people make mistakes. Since she was open and honest with them about how they made her feel on that first day of vacation, they totally changed their ways.
"My family is human. We make mistakes. We apologize. We move forward. We love each other. This was a learning experience."
Our generation is different than our parents' generation. One, we have social media, and two, they have better boundaries. They didn't contact people after 9 o'clock at night or publicly share every detail of their life. The beauty of children asking questions lies in the connections they foster between generations. This is especially true when it comes to connecting with our grandparents. In my article "101 Questions to Ask Your Grandparents While You Still Have Time," I delve into the importance of these intergenerational conversations and provide a list of thought-provoking questions to help strengthen these connections before it's too late.
